Everybody Knows Her

I set the alarm a little early because I am not used to getting both girls ready for school at the same time, seven thirty a.m. We squeezed in some cuddles before they rushed off to get dressed, I helped of course and than went up to prepare their breakfast and lunch. I went through the whole routine I played over and over again in my head the night before. It was the first day and my babies first day of kindergarten so instead of taking the bus we went to the school blacktop for the first day. The feeling of hundreds of both excited and confused parents on a rainy muggy morning on the first day of school after an amazing summer is just the oddest feeling as a parent. So maybe that is why I didn’t cry to see my baby join her sister in school on that blacktop.

I will tell you where I did cry though. I drove home walked into my bedroom and almost started getting ready for work, when I realized I quit a few weeks ago and that is when the flood gates opened. I did not have to get ready for work, I finally had time to be with my kids but now they are in school. Now what?

I started my job twelve years ago. Freshly married life was just starting to change the most. Time passed and life just kept flying by. The haze of marriage, children hustling to get out of my parents house and just well, life. The problem is life changed so fast I lost myself trying to keep up. It took one small dispute for me to blow up and quit a job I unfortunately outgrew a long time ago. Obviously, it wasn’t just a tired mom act. This year has tested me in ways I cannot explain. So, I did what I had to do for my sanity. Until, my kids started school.

I quit in the smack of summer so I was lost in my own version of summer break with my family. We wondered and explored in the best ways. But summer ended and my kids started school and after twelve years I have nothing to do for a majority of the day. I truthfully have no idea what I am going to do. I do not know if I made the right decision. I need to make a decision about how I plan to move forward because lets be honest one paycheck is not working out for a family in todays economy. However, my mind is set on finding myself again.

-Her