Everybody Knows Her

It has been exactly one week of no cigarettes and three days of no marijuana.

Yes, I am that mom don’t judge me. I have been smoking cigarettes since I am 15. Both pregnancies I quit for 2 years and went back.

The marijuana used to be for fun ( parties, night out). Than after baby two and a full time job ironically my best friends surprised me with a weed pen for my birthday and told me I need it. It went from once in a while, to after kids bedtime to eventually all day. In my mind I needed it to survive.

After I quit my job I went to Europe on an already planned trip with my family for a month. Marijuana is not legal where I went and I was not able to get any and I was fine. I came back home and automatically went back to it.

Last week I was smoking a cigarette and it just hit me, it is time to stop this shit. I am literally paying to slowly kill myself. I stopped cold turkey and it was not a fun week. Especially considering the emotional turmoil I am going through (denied unemployment and all). What can I say I like to do things the hard way.

The marijuana decision came after finding out about the unemployment. I obviously smoked all day and than at the end of the night I had another realization. This is not doing anything for me. I was smoking so much that I was not even getting “high” so why do I need this?

The funny thing is if your a smoker you know when you are stressed or something is wrong you resort to smoking. To me, my life is in flames. I do not know how I plan to move forward. But, I am not moving forward with habits that do nothing for me.

Wish me luck

-Her